Servant of the Evil Empire

I have ...

2006-01-02T11:18:00.000-05:00

Only Belgian dark chocolate ice cream to eat in my apartment.

And I packed all my spoons.

I have only Belgian dark chocolate ice cream to eat in my apartment.

2006-01-02T11:17:00.000-05:00

And I've packed all my spoons.

If There Is One Good Decision I Have Made in My Life...

2005-12-15T20:51:00.000-05:00

It is this:

I never joined the Army.

Day Four: Cold Is the Real Enemy

2005-12-09T06:50:00.000-05:00

I have no strength in my hands. I can't handle a Beretta to save my life. Well, actually, I can to save my life, but I will probably be mildly dangerous to everyone else in the process.

Also, you should never have to shoot when it's only 30 degrees outside. There should be a law somewhere.

Day Three: I Am Really Dangerous Now

2005-12-07T16:27:00.000-05:00

I qualified on an M4 this afternoon with a 273 score (250 is passing, 300 is perfect)!

Also, my arms are so sore I'm not going to be able to move them in the morning, but whatever. That's what a hot tub is for, isn't it?

Day Two: More Defensive Driving on Steroids

2005-12-06T17:31:00.000-05:00

Or: How to Skid/Never Use the Breaks.

Also, off-roading! New adventures!

I don't know if this week is so much about preparing for a war zone so much as playing.

Cue Creepy Music

2005-12-05T21:21:00.000-05:00

Okay this is now almost an hour after the fact, so I think I can write about it without shaking.

I've already made the comparisons to Blair Witch and every other creepy movie with the place I'm staying in the middle of nowhere. No lights, tons of woods, no cell phone coverage. No street signs, and in many places, no paved roads.

I naturally miss my turn for the racetrack after dinner and a mile or so down the tiny, paved, unlit road realize my mistake. I try to turn around -- a three-point turn -- and misjudge the side of the road (did I mention I really can't see a thing around here at night? No lights!) My car plunges into a previously-unseen ditch. Forward, reverse, forward, reverse, nothing doing. I finally get out of my car and brave the creepy dark night around me, and realize my left rear wheel is spinning a foot above the pavement. So much for rear wheel drive.

About this time I've decided it must be my fate, after the last few days, to end up as a) a dead hitchhiker, b) a woman found frozen to death in her car by the police the next morning, or c) the woman who was raped and killed on this portion of Pointer Road. In any of the above cases I figured I would be stuck as a ghost haunting this portion of useless and unused road for the rest of my days until some cute boy from Supernatural decided to put me to rest. As lovely as Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki are, I really had no desire to be stuck with this portion of pavement any longer than absolutely necessary.

As it turns out, the white sign I thought was atop a cross was actually a mailbox at the mouth of "road" -- one of those unpaved dirt roads that drowns when it rains. (Did I mention it's been raining for the last twenty four hours here? And that it's like 32 degrees outside?) So I trod in my sneakers down the unlit mud puddle by the mere light of my cell phone -- the only use it has down here, apparently -- and listening to the rush of a stream nearby, hoping I do not end up in it (dead or otherwise -- the water would be very cold).

At long last I come to a single ramshackle cabin that is lit inside and out. In fact, I think that was the first light I had seen in fifteen minutes or more. After five minutes of knocking, the large, powerful but friendly man I was hoping would appear does not; instead, it's a little old lady who is obviously living alone and suspicious of muddy, cold, and wet young women arriving on her doorstep at 730 at night. She lets me borrow her phone; fortunately I had left the registration information in my purse, with a phone number to the lodge. No one answers. However, the answering machine gives me the emergency number for the guards at the front gate (the one I missed) and I get ahold of Don and Mike. My favorite people in the world. Mike rescues me, brings me back to the guard post (it has to be manned 24 hours a day -- tonight, for half an hour, by me!) and he and Don go back to remove my car from the ditch.

Zot looks to be in one piece. She managed to get all the way back on her own steam, so I hope she's all right. Fortunately I'm staying at a place where people look after cars professionally, so I can probably get an opinion or two on her health before I head back to DC.

Again, Zot is not an all-terrain vehicle.

Sidenote: I really have only two responsibilities as an adult, other than my job: taking care of my kitty and taking care of my vehicle. In the last three days I've been failing miserably at both.

Day One: Defensive Driving on Steroids

2005-12-05T18:13:00.000-05:00

Yeah, you heard it.

Me, slaloming around four other moving cars. Me, rearending other cars on purpose. Me, pushing the bad guys' cars out of the way.

This could have serious, detrimental effects on my driving skillz.

Day Zero

2005-12-04T20:28:00.000-05:00

Things I Have Actually Said Out Loud Tonight:

1. "I love that stop sign!"

2. "I'm naming my first kid Milton" (after the street with the stop sign).

3. "Where's civilization? Yes, Danville, please."

4. "I will kill for a CVS."

5. "It's kind of like camping ... at a racetrack."

6. "This reminds me of Blair Witch, Kevin. It's so creepy" .... click.

7. "Zot is not an all-terrain vehicle ... unfortunately."

My Little Druggie

2005-12-04T12:16:00.000-05:00

Is very, very sick. But they gave her more morphine so she's very, very happy.

At least for now.

And in the meantime I'm heading off to a racetrack for a week.

Poltergeist Kitty

2005-11-21T19:17:00.000-05:00

I am the world's worst mother. At this rate, I deserve never to have children.

Elsie gets sick. I panic and take her to the vet. The vet gives her morphine.

Elsie happy.

Three days later, morphine runs out. Elsie unhappy. Elsie sick.

Vet does not work Sundays. I go out and buy her catnip toys.

Elsie happy. Elsie stoned out of her skull.

Elsie so thrilled with toys she's flipping around and accidentally turns on the TV (to static). Stares at static for at least ten minutes with paw raised to the screen. Seriously, all she needed to do was say, "They're here" ... or just meow.

I give my cat drugs and then laugh when she acts like a character in a movie. Seriously bad mommy.

Please, DIA, make this week worse...

2005-11-02T18:38:00.000-05:00

Because I really want to know if it's possible. Because I started out this week wondering if I could start a petition to have MFA programs accept students for January enrollment. Because I'm starting to question how a war zone can be much worse than this, even with shootings and bombings and IEDs every day. And I don't like that thought.

Drowning my work sorrows....

2005-11-01T20:07:00.000-05:00

in novel-writing. (Yeah, not sure that metaphor works, either, but ... I have a novel to write, stop bugging me!) It's either that or die of boredom at work, as nothing happens on the Arabian Peninsula because we don't have any psycho-Islamofascist-terrorist presidents running around.

(That last was supposed to refer to Iran, for those of you confused.)

Ugh

2005-10-19T17:40:00.000-04:00

I'm officially an antique.

Double-checked and ...

2005-10-18T19:46:00.000-04:00

Yep, grass def. not greener over there. Good to know I can trust my instincts. That's two for two this week.

Yeah, and if you have no clue what I'm talking about ... don't worry I think most of this week has been an internal monologue anyway.

Blurrrrrrbgh!

2005-10-14T23:04:00.000-04:00

I am so freaking bad at lying.

I have ten months left of this. I really don't think I can pull this off without someone figuring out something's up.

Good News! This Can't Last Long.....

2005-10-12T21:57:00.000-04:00

So far have yet to be involuntarily deported to the other office, haven't signed up to deploy, eligible for two promotions. And making progress on current story. Plus a four day week.

Also, Veronica Mars rocks.

New Week? New F*cking Surprise at Work!

2005-10-04T17:50:00.000-04:00

And just when will the fun stop? I'm about to be sent back to the other building to work with the analyst who should be fired. Lucky me.

It's Ten Months to the Day Before I Quit My Job

2005-09-28T19:58:00.000-04:00

Which means it's nine months and two weeks to the day before I hand in my letter of resignation. It will read something like this:

Dear Whoever Replaces Admiral Jacoby:

I'm sorry I have no desire to stick around to see if you will fix this agency. It's a waste of the rest of my life to work for people who can't appreciate analysts who defend their arguments without wilting under pressure. I don't wish to be associated with an agency that promotes people based on pliability and "being a good guy." I have no respect for managers, particularly flag officers, who allow politicians to lead witchhunts against analysts who back up their analysis with facts and not political correctness. And I have no desire to continue working with one specific individual who caves in to political pressure and sells out a peer. So as not to waste you or your successor's time in five, ten, fifteen years, when I am the target of that sort of witchhunt and you must call me into your office to appease some Administration official you're hoping will give you a promotion, here is my resignation now to save you the hassle.

Sincerely,
Me

Dear Super Bitchy Neighbor:

2005-09-20T16:38:00.000-04:00

As you did not leave a return address on the lovely note you posted on my door sometime in the last five days, it seems I must answer you in a more public forum. Thank you for bringing it to my attention that I have apparently been constantly slamming doors and showing no respect for my neighbors. I was unaware that you could detect my door for the five that have slammed in the past half hour since I got home from a trip. I will be sure to keep your concerns in mind the next time I enter my apartment with both hands full and am attempting to prevent my cat from escaping said apartment. I do warn you, however, that if she does escape, I'm afraid I will be forced to drop everything in my hands and run after her, probably without thinking of how quietly to shut the door so that it does not disturb whatever your 4 PM activities are. (You see, letting the door slam shut is preferable to dropping everything on my cat. Well, preferable to me, anyhow.) However, I fail to see how this once, maybe twice, a week event makes the threshold of "constantly," in any case.

Thank you for the notice, although I do process non-bolded, non-italicized, non-highlighted notes written in English just as well as those highlighted, italicized, bolded, and in all caps, just to save your printer's ink for the next anonymous note you leave on my door. In fact, just for future reference, there's an apostrophe in "it's". Also, using the term 'we' to reference to yourself alone is only acceptable if you have a royal title.

If indeed you choose to bring this to the attention of management instead of leaving another polite note on my door (have you ever heard of knocking and requesting that I stop such heinous activities in person, if for nothing else than to verify I am the criminal here?), I'm sure they will be as attentive to your needs as they have been to mine in the past six months.

Also, whoever's child that is screaming, can she please be quiet after 8 PM? It is rather disruptive to one's sleeping cycle.

Sincerely,

Your neighbor in Apartment 808 (Note: the 28 exclamation points after your sign your "name" are unnecessary. I would hope by then I would understand you meant what you said.)

Who's in Charge?

2005-08-22T13:11:00.000-04:00

So I'm officially no longer Acting Team Chief (Lackey). The good news is the annoying new guy who insists, for the sake of his career, that he should be Team Chief isn't. The bad news is, neither is anyone else. This should be really sporting.

Bloody hell, Afghanistan looks better everyday.

Also, as no one else feels compelled to update their blogs, I'm going on hiatus.

Addendum to the Previous

2005-08-11T22:43:00.000-04:00

In an excellent example of how insanity is genetic, my sister decided on Tuesday that she wanted to move to Austin and is leaving next weekend.

She's also six months pregnant, has a twelve year old daughter in school, and her husband can't get transferred to Austin with his current company.

And I wholeheartedly support her decision.

So now those doubting the wisdom of Origami Frog (FT) -- not that any of you read this blog -- can now doubt the collective sanity of my family.

Hey, it's not like I don't on a regular basis.

The Last One to Know

2005-08-11T07:58:00.000-04:00

So my sister is apparently moving to Austin this month. And I have no idea why or when or how or ... why?

It took my dad 41 years to leave Amarillo. That it's taken my sister 30 represents improvement, I suppose?

Training the Peloton

2005-08-09T21:02:00.000-04:00

When will people understand the fast lane is not 75? 75 is the middle lane, or perhaps the right lane. The fast lane is 80, minimum.

Yes, I made it back to Arlington in less than 8 hours. And I was worried about rush hour.

Also, people in Delaware absurdly pay attention to the speed limit. Seriously, every other state -- no one cares about the poor workers alongside the road, despite the signs (Conn: "Let 'Em Work, Let 'Em Live") and the speed limit changes. Delawareans? The only ones to slow down for them.

Now time to assure kitty I still love her, eat more chocolate, and see what my bastion of evil has been up to while I was gone.

More on the Vineyard when I find something to eat.

The Story of the Xtremely Obnoxious Colonel

2005-08-05T15:24:00.000-04:00

So after ten hours yesterday of a) being confused who was tasked with a slide, b) finding it out it was apparently us and writing the slide, and c) scrambling to find people to cover our team because *some* team members didn't exactly check in with me before *announcing* they were taking leave, I went home and left the mess to the other analyst.

Get in this morning, find out that the other teams who were supposed to do the slide in the first place had been ordered to change it, to the point where I didn't have to brief it. They were in charge. Okay, cool, no sweat. Attend briefing. Wander around aimlessly afterward because production had to be light since there was only one other analyst there today.

Head off to my deployment screening, where I tell them I want to go to Afghanistan. Any capacity, really don't care what I would be doing. They offer a few dates that would conflict with Iowa, I turn them down. Then they offer me a choice of Baghdad or Abu Ghuraib. Um, no.

Besides, I despise being in charge of people. I'm not cut out for management. (I can barely deal with my own problems; why would I want to deal with everyone else's?)

So facing the unhappy reality of being stuck in my current position without any break whatsoever (yes, you know things are getting bad when people start deploying voluntarily) I get back to the office and find out that the colonel in charge of us wanted a Senior Analyst there in my place during the briefing that morning.

Yes, thank you, sincerely, hi, I must be chopped liver. We didn't even brief my country, you dolt!!!!!

So I finally lost it, fed up with feeling overused, underappreciated, and tired.

I ended up crying.

This is only the second time I have cried in front of a boss in my life. And the first time I had the excuse that the Red Cross had drained almost a pint of blood out of me and my body couldn't handle it.

Now, no matter which excuse I try to use -- sleep deprivation, frustration, too much caffeine -- there really is no situation in which you are allowed to break down in front of you boss. I know this. I overreacted.

But I will be damned if that colonel gets away with implying I did not do my job when I have been busting my ass trying to keep this all together the last few months.

I hates it, Precious.

2005-08-05T12:09:00.000-04:00

Best Movie for Bad Days at Work

2005-08-03T18:56:00.000-04:00

Emma. I swear. I mean, it's no Chicken Soup for the Soul , but it does make 1 AM wakeups tolerable.

Also, retail therapy. Buying shoes does a world of good for you.

To Quote Mr. Handyside:

2005-08-02T16:28:00.000-04:00

(Yes I know it's Hobbes, but I'd rather give the credit to JDH)

"Life is nasty, brutish, and short."

Sadly the same can be said of Navy admirals that I brief.*

*Except the short part. But I'm not a good one to judge on that point.

Operation Origami Frog

2005-07-28T05:49:00.000-04:00

Yeah, don't ask about the name.

Will reveal details of said plan when finalized.

Also, kitty v. happy. V. much enjoyed her stay with Mr. Dumouchelle.

Update

2005-07-22T09:58:00.000-04:00

JK Rowling is evil incarnate.

PS: Iowa lovely, am on way to becoming brilliant published author, have great chocolate.

PSS: Rowling still evil.

Wanted: Good (Temporary) Home for Kitty

2005-07-16T08:33:00.000-04:00

Who can turn down free backrubs and headbutts?

Quirky News

2005-07-08T18:18:00.000-04:00

Hundreds of Turkish sheep follow leader off cliff
Fri Jul 8, 2005 3:29 PM BST

ISTANBUL (Reuters) - Hundreds of sheep followed their leader off a cliff in eastern Turkey, plunging to their deaths this week while shepherds looked on in dismay.

Four hundred sheep fell 15 metres (yards) to their deaths in a ravine in Van province near Iran but broke the fall of another 1,100 animals who survived, newspaper reports said on Friday.

Shepherds from Ikizler village neglected the flock while eating breakfast, leaving the sheep to roam free, the Radikal daily said.

The loss to local farmers was estimated at 100,000 new lira (42,802 pounds).

WILL THE WOMEN IN MY FAMILY STOP STEALING MY NAMES??????

2005-06-29T19:25:00.000-04:00

Okay. Calm down. "Tristan" was not the only boy's name I liked for a potential son. "Ian" also wasn't, but I could convert it to Julian easily enough (... although he would probably get beaten up in grade school ... which would probably also be the fate of Tristan.) But I've always loved the name Tristan and was kind of relying on the fact that my future husband would love me enough not to interfere in naming our children.

So, just a note to the masses, the name William Christopher is MINE. MINE. Not yours. Not anyone else's. MINE. Not my sister's (yes, thank you, Jen!) not an aunt's, MINE.

Otherwise I will have only daughters, and there will be no negotiations.

Oh bloody hell who put me in charge?????

2005-06-23T18:33:00.000-04:00

Okay this is so becoming not cool....

Never Trust Anyone Who Went Through Law School in the 1980s

2005-06-08T21:05:00.000-04:00

So I have officially discovered why my parents moved to South Florida on a whim. Two words:

Miami Vice.

Also, my parents are apparently now moving in right down the street from DJ from Full House. I just hope her husband is still playing for the Dallas Stars when the NHL decides to get back to work. Then we may have something to talk about.

Testing...Testing...Oh Wait We Weren't Kidding.

2005-06-02T18:00:00.000-04:00

So I've technically been Acting Chief for the last three weeks. Which is not only thoroughly ridiculous, but apparently true. And I didn't realize it.

So way to blow my first break -- by not taking it seriously.

Confusion Abounds

2005-05-31T18:49:00.000-04:00

So I return straight from the beach to work, where I spend four hours only to find the two products from Friday that I stayed late to finish, thus failing to meet Deirdre for lunch, had been mysteriously and inexplicably canceled. In fact, I wasn't even informed of the cancellation of the slide I was to back Tuesday morning -- I got that third-hand. Brilliant.

More confusion ensued Tuesday morning, but I'm too tired to recount that. Suffice to say confusion tires me out. Also, sunburning the back of your knees seriously hurts when you wear hose. And I inexplicably have spiderbites all along my arm. I'm confused. Very.

Delaware!

2005-05-30T18:25:00.000-04:00

Delaware was the first state. Unfortunately, they haven't done anything notable since, except not impose sales tax. They also, from my one experience in a Delaware restaurant, have terrible service. So the mystery of what precisely Delawareans do when not on the beach remains, well, a mystery. However, here are some other things I learned on my trip to Delaware:

I can manage to get lost with even the simplest of directions. (Okay, so this wasn't so much a lesson as a reminder.)

You really should put sunblock on the backs of your knees when sunning/crisping.

Sean's a pyromaniac, except when it comes to Burning Man, which clearly needed some physics help (Burning Man fell apart before burning in a nice little pile at the bottom.)

Ha

2005-05-25T12:37:00.000-04:00

There are days I come home from work utterly exhausted but exhilarated that I might be doing the world some good.

There are days I come home wanting to cry and quit.

Then there are the days I come home really wishing I had strangled a bad analyst, which would have done the world some good.

This is one of those days.

!!!!!

2005-05-18T19:57:00.000-04:00

We're getting a new guy at work! Officially, he is my favorite person (of the moment)! This (hopefully) means no more back to back to back weeks of earlies!

Obviously, my coworkers have not given me enough chocolate lately, else they would be my favorite people.

Almost Potentially Interesting

2005-05-16T20:44:00.000-04:00

Too bad it will be on during Alias ....

"Taking its place on Wednesdays will be "E-Ring," the Pentagon drama starring Dennis Hopper and Benjamin Bratt. One of the busiest producers in Hollywood, Bruckheimer also is behind the "CSI" franchise on CBS."

Of course, I get to deal with the E-Ring every day -- why the hell would I want to watch it at night too?

Addendum to the Previous: Because yours truly apparently can't read, and cannot connect the fact that both "E-Ring" and "Alias" are on ABC, we retract the statement that watching "Alias" is a good reason to miss "E-Ring." "Alias" will apparently now be shown Thursday nights at 9, instead of the current Wednesday nights at nine. Thank you.

I Just Have to Say

2005-05-11T13:17:00.000-04:00

For some reason this week rocks.

And yes, I'm getting up at 2AM still. But hey, I'm not on orders to Iraq ... it could always be worse.

The World Is in Danger

2005-05-02T18:40:00.000-04:00

Of seriously sucking. Serious, no-holds-barred, I-hate-the-world, disarm-me-as-soon-as-possible sucking.

Week in Review

2005-04-29T19:02:00.000-04:00

1. Getting up at 2AM seriously sucks.
2. O-6s who think they are Iran experts also seriously suck.
3. Naps of greater duration tha 45 minutes during the day really screw up one's sleeping pattern.
4. "Integration" is just another term for "hostile takeover."
5. #4 is shortly to make my life miserable.

No Skillz

2005-04-25T17:44:00.000-04:00

So I spent most of the waking hours of my afternoon perusing available jobs in Austin, Texas. 1) Because I've been feeling rather homesick for my family lately, 2) because I'm beginning to despise Washington, DC with every fiber of my being, and 3) because Austin is the only town in Texas I would consider living. And I have come to one conclusion:

There is absolutely no possible way I can do my job in Austin, Texas. In fact, I don't think there's any job in Austin, Texas, that I'm qualified for. I have no skills to speak of outside of intelligence work. And that really sucks.

Applying for Jobs Sucks

2005-04-21T22:48:00.000-04:00

....but I have the feeling I know people who can relate.

Genetics

2005-04-15T20:26:00.000-04:00

I find it so odd how genetics works. My brother (my only full sibling) and I virtually ignored each other the first eighteen years of my life; we had (and to some extent, particularly now that I have a "career," albeit one I've wanted to abandon almost as soon as I started it, still have) nothing in common.

Yet I know more of my brother's secrets than anyone in our family, and vice versa. We never spoke before I started drinking alcohol (at nineteen), and we hardly ever speak now. But I call him for his birthday and he spills the beans on a topic my family has been suspicious of for a number of weeks. Hehehe.

Sadly the cost was my silence until I am in my grave, so I have no opportunity to exploit this.

Nap, Interrupted II

2005-04-14T20:27:00.000-04:00

Addendum to the Previous:

I forgot they changed my locks. Standing in front of my door tonight I realized, naturally, I need new keys. So I hop downstairs to the 24 hour security desk where I saw the nice lady on the night shift not five minutes before when I was picking up my mail. She's no longer there; instead there is a lovely sign saying she won't be back for thirty minutes. So I take five seconds to contemplate my options -- sit downstairs and wait for thirty minutes to get my key, thus getting to bed thirty minutes later -- or hop over the security desk (big no-no) and hunt around for my new key. Guess what yours truly chose?

If they have a problem with it, they can come chat with me after what's gone on today. At least I signed it out.

Nap, Interrupted

2005-04-14T14:51:00.000-04:00

So on my fourth day of earlies this week I come home to workers in the hallway on my floor of the apartment building. Fortunately they aren't working on my door, but my neighbor's across the hall. So I think, well, I'm next, gotta get out of here. Then realize all I want to do is sleep. So I tell them -- in English and v. bad Spanish -- what a waste of eight years of education -- that they can do my door tomorrow morning (I naively thought at this point they were painting the door. Harmless enough.)

Naptime. Then awake to find a strange man with a drill in my apartment. I restrain myself from screaming and throwing him out, realizing he obviously didn't understand what I was trying to tell him two hours before. So I get up, take my purse, put on my shoes, and leave, intending to find somewhere else to be (preferably napping) for an hour or so.) Get out to my car, realize I left my keys. By now running rather short of temper, go back to my apartment, find it full of people wandering around. Flip out. Throw workers out, telling them to fix the door and come back later when a) I am not here, attempting to sleep and b) my belongings are not scattered around my apartment. (I have not gotten around to folding my laundry. I am still enough of my mother's daughter that I get embarrassed when strangers see my underwear lying about.)

Somehow putting the lock and doorknob back on is a longer and more noisy process than removing them. And now my apartment smells like burning metal (oh wonderful, I just saw lots of sparks .... this is not a positive developement.) And my kitty is looking on transfixed while I stew over my rude awakening.

Ruminations When One Is Tired and, Well, Tired

2005-04-11T12:48:00.000-04:00

Yay! It's earlies week again! Let's see ... this means I get to see plenty of daylight (I get home at noon almost every day) , my kitty doesn't freak out if I'm gone more than eight hours (she's not quite awake when I leave every morning, so the eight-hour countdown begins much later), and I have time to run errands (like finally drop off a UPS package I've been holding onto for two months.)

There. I managed to say three positive things about earlies before I started bitching about my job (you also caught me on a good day, btw). I need to get out of this job. Suggestions?

Plans

2005-04-03T13:49:00.000-04:00

Back. FINALLY. Now that the wretched three-week tour of military bases is over, I get to make PLANS!!!!

Which, unfortunately, are now more complicated by a) my mother moving to Florida and b) being an actual government employee who gets only two weeks of vacation a year. Now suppose I take a week (more like seven days) to go to Iowa this summer, which is completely non-negotiable.

Fourteen days of leave - seven days of leave = seven days of leave.

So supposing I have to visit my father in Texas for at least a three day weekend or a holiday, and my mother in Florida the same, this leaves me with at most five days of leave (more likely four), provided I can take time off for Thanksgiving and/or Christmas. I can probably get away with not taking time off at Thanksgiving, but it would be much smoother given that I have two different places to go. Actually three, for Thanksgiving is in Texas with my mother's family.

OOOh, Columbus Day weekend in Fort Lauderdale ... there are advantages to this whole Florida nonsense.

And I want to go to Boston for New Year's, which is probably an additional day (at least).

Oh yeah and I started this train of thought by wanting to go to Austin for either Labor Day or Memorial Day.

Oh and I have to be in Dallas with my sister for the Fourth of July. I knew the complications arose somewhere.

So that leaves me with seven days (of leave) taken in Iowa/Chicago in July, probably none for the Fourth (it's on a Monday so I can just go for the weekend), Austin either Memorial or Labor Day weekends (whichever is cheapest -- also no leave taken), Fort Lauderdale for Columbus Day (or possibly Labor Day; again no leave taken), Thanksgiving in Amarillo (1 day of liberal leave for day after Thanksgiving), plus one or two days at Christmas (a Sunday, v. flexible), plus a day in Boston for New Years (Sunday) if necessary. Which leaves me four to five days of leave for fun things like random trips to Chicago and Martha's Vineyard.

Whew...so I apparently forgot to calculate the ten federal holidays when I panicked, realizing I have only two weeks of leave this year. Hahaha. 14 days + 10 federal holidays = the only way I'm going to survive being a government employee and not hurt/be maimed by my family.

Also, no thanks to my musically-illiterate friends, I was under the nightmarish impression that I had a Creed song stuck in my head earlier this week. Death to you all.

Bye-Bye Land/Zot/Kitty

2005-03-27T22:33:00.000-05:00

As I once again prepare to embark on travels to places I'd rather not go and dull things to do...and this time without the benefit of Navy sailors (and ships) to look at. What a shame.

(Also, J.B., book issue settled. My apologies for leaving you hanging Friday. It's taken care of.)

Enjoy this week in the capitol city, once more without me in attendance.

:(.

Day XI: LAND!!!!!

2005-03-24T11:00:00.000-05:00

Oh my God. I have never been so happy to see Zot in my life. After twelve days of being driven around in a fifteen-passenger government van (driving it part of the time) my little Mustang is the greatest thing on Earth. Seriously.

Well, second only to my nice comfy non-smelly bed. And my cat. Who is still in Baltimore.

Strangely, I kinda miss the twenty eight people I've been stranded with for the past two weeks. There's just something about nearly drowning in cold dirty water that bonds people together. That said, much happier to be home.

Day IX: In the Army Now

2005-03-22T23:06:00.000-05:00

The main points I learned today from the U.S. Army:

1. Do, don't think (or hesitate. Hesitation is bad).

2. Engineers are gods.

Another day, another obstacle course. Only this one was marginally more within reach (as opposed to the Marine one) but I managed to get more banged up (my knee is currently a ghastly shade of grey-green). And four delightful "mental challenges," which were purported not to be obstacle courses. Yeah, right. This is the Army. This is where point #2 comes in. While yours truly sat contemplating the sanity of someone who thought three short planks and a piece of rope would get eight people and a barrel across the twenty foot gap in a bridge (over real, dirty water) our two engineers devised a solution, put it in practice, and got eight of the nine people (and the barrel) across before our valiant leader accidentally ended up in the water (along with two of the planks).

Then they had us do an exercise called "damage control," more accurately referred to as The Tank, in which our nine people had to do simulation repairwork on a ship as water was pouring in. It amounted to nearly drowing for twenty minutes in cold dirty water while attempting to hold pieces of wood in holes where the water was pouring in. Then freezing as soon as you got out.

I'm black and blue, and will be seriously hurting tomorrow.

Day V: Are We Still Here Already?

2005-03-18T16:52:00.000-05:00

Today is what we refer to as a "filler day." According to the PACE (primary - alternate - contingency - emergency) agenda, the first three we already bypassed and the fourth didn't apply, so they just filled it in with a movie and a long trip to another intel site where we learned nothing.

Day IV: Joint Frolicking

2005-03-17T17:51:00.000-05:00

Ugh -- today was Death by Powerpoint, about as exciting as Blackhawk Down translated into, well, a PowerPoint presentation. No ships, just intel nerds briefing us on their own screwy set-up.

Thank you. We have our own org chart that makes no sense. We'd rather not see yours.

Also redundant briefings on Marines 101 and SOF.

Quote of the Day: "Army Rangers bounce."

Quote of the Day #2: "Women are the best rifle platforms -- they have wider hips and they don't lose focus every seven seconds."

Day III: Navy, Marines Lite

2005-03-16T19:40:00.000-05:00

Learned once more the convoluted organizational chart that is the U.S. Navy, then headed out for a (long) tour of the U.S.S. Iwo Jima, the newest (and last) Wasp-class Amphibious Assault Ship (LHD). For those in the audience who don't know what that means, that's how you move 2000+ Marines around the world in just a couple of weeks. And have them attack a country (or go in and rescue Americans, which they do much more often). The L stands for Landing, the H for Helicopter (it has a flight deck) and the D I have no idea.

Shall I reiterate how the Navy is so winning the PR war?

Oh! And we parked in the Commander of the Atlantic Fleet's parking space. Fortunately I neither drove nor chose the space, as he apparently came to park about an hour later.

Yes, let's piss off the three-star admiral in charge of half the Naval vessels in the Fleet. Brilliant.

Quote of the Day:
"Hoo-ah."
"Hoo-ah."
"Hoo-ah."
"Hoo-ah!"
"Hoo-ah!"
"Hoo-ah!"
~conversation among three Army colonels

Day II: air force, NAVY NAVY NAVY

2005-03-15T19:35:00.000-05:00

Point #1: The Air Force has really nice toys.

Point #2: Air Force fighter pilots have unbelievable egos.

Point #3: Navy also has cool toys, everyone gets to ride them.

Point #4: Navy propaganda still beats Air Force.

Quote of the Day: "Takes a college education to break it, a high school education to fix it." ~enlisted F15 crew chief (in front of a second lieutenant)

Day I: army NAVY NAVY NAVY

2005-03-14T21:40:00.000-05:00

As the title suggests, I just spent the morning (after a light PT) learning Army symbology, a slightly expanded version of the class I took two weeks ago, and listening to “objective force” propaganda. Afterwards we spent the afternoon aboard the USS Bulkeley, an Aegis-class destroyer commissioned in December 2000. Trust me, the Navy propaganda (complete with ship and crew) was much more convincing than the Army. Plus the Navy Reserves are apparently far superior to the Army and even the Air Force, unless you are a mortician or a pilot.

Oh, the things you learn in MILFAM. Also, how to backend park a fifteen passenger vehicle.

Quote of the Day: "The Navy is like one giant shopping trip."

Military Adventures, Part I

2005-03-13T01:03:00.000-05:00

Or presumed, I should say. As I will be spending the better part of the next two weeks shuttling among bases in Virginia and the Carolinas, best to bid adieu now as I am not sure I will have any internet connectivity in the coming days. Sadly, I shall miss New Brother, the visit of my big (who has been away far too long) and the appearance of Mr. Handyside's mysterious "Caroline," who is rumored to be a Canadian version of Shangrila.

Anyone else frightened there might been another like Shangrila out there?

I also dropped off my kitty in Baltimore with the future Dr. Slavin today, and am already plagued with guilt. Have decided will be a positive wreck if I ever have kids.

Random

2005-03-10T20:32:00.000-05:00

So after class tonight I found myself stringing random Farsi words together, until I realized that I'd been repeating the same phrase for several iterations. The White House.

I don't know whether to be impressed (that I unconsciously started saying something that made sense) or very very afraid.

Or NOT!!!!

2005-03-08T14:57:00.000-05:00

So I left my apartment this morning at 230 AM, content if not happy (who can be happy going to work at 230 AM?) that it was pleasant enough outside that for the first time in months I did not have to wear a coat or accessories (gloves, hat, etc).

Twelve hours and three briefings later I finally leave, having to endure a ten minute walk in the freezing wind, and deicing/desnowing my car windows without a coat. Could this day get worse?

Well, yes. I have Farsi in two hours.

It's SPRING!!!!

2005-03-07T18:12:00.000-05:00

A time when your feet can't help but start running and dancing, when all you want to do is sit outside and lay on the ground and stare up at the sky, so thankful you're not wearing fourteen layers of clothing just to survive. (Of course, then you sadly realize that the fourteen layers of fat you have gained to survive the winter now looks less than attractive, and the running instinct of your feet should be encouraged as much as possible. Like, now.)

T minus two hours until my bedtime. I've been awake since 2 AM. Isn't adrenaline a wonderful drug?

Some Things Just Don't Change

2005-02-28T21:58:00.000-05:00

My younger stepsister always knew how to tease me to the point of insanity. She would just state that she was older than me, or my age, and this would drive me crazy, so that I would throw a fit and correct her. (This is, by the way, one of the stepsisters I like; let's not get started on the other one.)

One might say this trait -- let's call it kindly "an obsessive need for the truth to be told and recognized as such, by all parties" -- occasionally rears its ugly head to this day, particularly in debating points of grammar and/or correcting misperceptions (deliberate or otherwise) about the country I currently cover. But until today I was under the impression that these moments were few and far between, and rarely affected my sense of humor.

Until today, during class, when some uptight, punkass young analyst (who, mind you, has probably been there about six days fewer than I have) mentioned that since I cover an "important country," I would shortly be moving to the DIAC, which is the equivalent of announcing my impending arrival in the sixth (or lower) realm of Hell (warranted or otherwise). I had visions of my stepsister at seven years old, giggling at succeeding in making me mad. I had visions of hurting said analyst, or throwing a fit, either of which suited me for nearly an hour.

Except I couldn't correct him, because I desperately fear he is right. (He is wrong, however, on his assumptions about his own position, but that is irrelevant here. I, however, mentioned his misconceptions to him at the time, of course.) I hate that because some general randomly decides that he needs a "successful reorganization" of an agency on his resume to be promoted to four stars, we suffer the consequences. This reorganization -- like that of much of the intelligence community, I might add -- has little to do with success, and everything to do with power. And nothing annoys me more than (a) someone flaunting power and (b) my not having any.

I hate to think that at twenty-four I am so set in my ways and inflexible that I cannot tolerate what will surely be a mere bump in the road for my career (however lengthy it is) with my current agency. But I think I am. Old and crotchety and inflexible.

Maybe I should go back to my cross-stitch about now.

A Moment of Silence

2005-02-24T06:57:00.000-05:00

For the passing of Queen of Wands.

Dilemma

2005-02-22T12:54:00.000-05:00

The Yankees are playing the Red Sox the week I'm in Tampa in March. For $13 a seat, it's something of a no-brainer. Derek. $13. Reigning World Champions. $13.

Unfortunately, it's at 1 in the afternoon, a time I really should be in a conference for work (ostensibly the reason I'm going to Tampa in the first place.)

Now it's not as though I have to debate seeing Derek and the Yankees. They're playing the Devil Rays on Thursday night, when I won't be in the conference.

But the Devil Rays???? When I could see the Red Sox????

An eensy-bitsy tiny but vocal part of me really wants to play hooky that Tuesday afternoon. Now, I don't know who else is going to this conference, but it's a good bet someone will know me and maybe even will notice I'm not there if I play hooky.

But DEREK. The RED SOX. The YANKEES. Did I mention that Spring Training games are only $13 a ticket?

Ruminations on a Drunken Thursday Night

2005-02-17T23:27:00.000-05:00

I spent most of my day at work bored.

I was close to tears on the absence of subject-verb agreement in a piece my boss edited for me.

I considered several methods of physically hurting my boss through the day.

I gave myself a stern talking-to at 1630: "You will defeat PowerPoint. It will not win."

I stayed an extra 3 hours to complete a silly tasker just to impress my superiors.

I came home and got slightly drunk on a Thursday night.

I never thought I would be that person.

This is either a sign of the impending Apocalypse, or adulthood. I'm mixed on which frightens me more.

Ruminations on a Sunday Evening

2005-02-06T18:40:00.000-05:00

Instead of watching football, I'm up to my eyeballs in Farsi (phun with Pharsi!) and dreading somewhat the return to work tomorrow....namely because I have to list my accomplishments over the last six months (ranging from nada, when I feel like I have so much left to learn, to "more than can be written on a single sheet of paper and/or be listed in less than 10 lines") more than because of my recent disillusionment with work. If I could, I would list for everyone the nightmare/excitement of Friday, but instead I'll just content myself with having told a few friends.
I go to Chicago next weekend!!!! I'm so excited!!! (As if you couldn't tell by the exclamation marks!) and I'm spending most of March outside of DC, which is both exciting (it's all on work!) and a little disturbing (how the hell do you make up three weeks at J2? And where is my cat going for three weeks?) Which means I'm not going to see most people (especially those who have a SPRING BREAK still) until April or so, which is a little depressing to think about. And there's the lovely (:cough: :cough:) possibility that I may go to Baghdad or Tel Aviv come May. (Anyone willing to catsit for six months? She's really sweet, I promise....unless you have another cat....)

Because There Is a God

2005-01-31T21:23:00.000-05:00

http://www.azcentral.com/ent/celeb/articles/0131bloom.html

Other than getting most of the facts wrong (the Gap ad being the most prominent - that Kate was Beckinsale) and not entirely sure they were actually dating in the first place - he never admitted it - :sigh:.

The world is back to being as it should be.

And Once Again Bret Saves the Day (U)

2005-01-28T18:47:00.000-05:00

(U) As you may have guessed, it's been a rather difficult month. (Works sucks, if you didn't divine that from my previous posts.) The only saving grace this week - I've been on earlies and therefore have the oddest sleep schedule imaginable outside of Jen's - is that I have had more time to dedicate to writing. Several epiphanies but poor writing later, I uncovered the source of problem and how to fix it, via my notes from Iowa this past summer.

(U) All of which is to say, Iowa and this summer could not get here quickly enough for my peace of mind.

Day

2005-01-21T19:18:00.000-05:00

6:30 AM: Arrive at work. Get promptly shat upon by Super-DISL, AKA The Man Who Thinks He Knows Everything, concerning slide I spent 5 hours on previous day.
6:35-7:15: Brainstorm with colleague ways to "remove" Super-DISL from existence. Come up with some pretty good ideas, involving small arms and cheap explosives.
7:15-7:45: Treat self to Dunkin Donuts for hellish week.
7:45-8ish: Explain to systems manager that computers still do not work, and it's his fault.
8-10 ish: Variously work, complain about systems, bitch with colleagues about systems manager's inability to fix computers for ninth day running, and drinking coffee.
10:30-12: Sit in on really boring VTC with air defense people. Coffee, anyone? Oh, wait, now I have to go to Florida in March. Was I asleep during that discussion?
12-2: Check Super-DISL's facts. Turns out Super-DISL on crack and making shit up.
2-2:30: Bitch at SIO about crack addict. Brainstorm ways to straighten Super-DISL out. While sympathetic, SIO distinctly unhelpful.
2:30-2:45: Purchase alarm clock. As am not looking forward to a) working on Sunday, b) being unable to get into work on Sunday because c) do not have super-secret password, d) felt as though I should upgrade to real alarm clock vice seriously old cell phone that has served as alarm clock for 2&1/2 years. As am also e) not looking forward to being unable to work on Sunday because f) systems still not working, and g) cannot get into briefing room for briefing all next week, h) plan to buy alcohol to salve all wounds.
2:45: SIO comes up with brilliant plan: Why work next week? Concur.
2:46-3:02: Contemplate many ways to waste time at the office on Sunday
3:03-3:20: Search for car. Find said car. Drive away from frightful place.
3:30-3:45: Buy groceries, and alcohol. Contemplate quitting job and becoming hermit.
3:45-5ish: Call everyone I know, complain about job, ask if I can quit said job. So far no one has said no.
5ish-6ish: Discuss lack of promotion opportunities, lack of appreciation felt from upper management, and impossibility of surviving in politically-charged environment of FUCKING REPUBLICAN DEPARTMENT OF DEFENSE.
6-7:15: Salve wounds by searching for jobs online.
6:02: Unceremoniously dump kitty from sitting on keyboard, which she seems to have rediscovered after six weeks of living in new apartment.
6:15-6:20ish: Consult with fellow-job-seeker Dumouchelle concerning how to obtain said job, seeing as how I've never really applied or competed for one.
6:25: Apply for State Department examination in April.
6:26-6:40: Consult once more with father on quitting said job.
6:45: Declare brilliance of Ms. Sierminski based on previously disregarded advice concerning future career choices.
7:30: Return to Farsi for one hour's study.
7:31: Dump kitty unceremoniously from kitchen table so can more effectively study Farsi.

And two and a half hours later...

2005-01-19T18:18:00.000-05:00

....I finally get home. From WORK. From the office that is a mile away from me.

Of course it didn't help that I took a detour through Rosslyn, and got slightly lost. But really, for a trip that was less than three miles total (I checked my odometer) moving at a mile a minute is so not cool.

Thank God I have tomorrow off.

Bah Humbug

2004-12-23T16:08:00.000-05:00

Delta is so not on my Christmas list...ever.

And the Theme of the Night is "Suburbia"

2004-12-14T18:45:00.000-05:00

So I encountered the real, hard-hitting DC traffic this evening for the first time -- having never realized previously that when I lived in DC, I was going in the opposite direction of most of the traffic.

Whew. That I and my car escaped alive is only a minor miracle. Must remind myself to leave work by four every afternoon, else face the consequences.

Inuit Words for Snow

2004-12-05T18:15:00.000-05:00

My parents have a long-regarded tradition of attempting to prevent various children (seven of us then, next to twenty of us now) from guessing what our Christmas gifts are. My stepsister even would unwrap all the gifts late at night (very carefully, so as the tape wouldn't rip the paper) and rewrap them so no one could tell. Fortunately she no longer does that, because she doesn't know which ones are hers. They've done Looney Tunes characters, planets (thankfully, not Uranus), candies, and anything else they can dream up....this year, Inuit words for snow!

Apinngraut : the first Snow of fall.
Piqsiq : Snow lifted by wind, a blizzard
Qodliti : the last block of Snow on the dome of an igloo.
Sututiksaq : Snow chosen to be broken up and used to make an igloo (from tutunnepoq: moved around with your feet).
Apivoq: it gets covered in Snow.
Katakartanaq : crusty Snow, broken by steps
Pukak : dry Snow crystals, like sugar powder.
Iglusaq : Snow that's good to make an igloo; (from iglu: house).
Niktaalaq: Windblown Snow
Naterovaq : a light Snow that's been brought by the wind.
Mingoleq : powder Snow
Iggviyog: ????

Any help would certainly be appreciated.

Somehow these attributes are supposed to relate to each one of my siblings....I hope I'm not the crusty snow on the steps!

In a State of Dislocation

2004-11-28T08:56:00.000-05:00

Dear Former Friends:

As am currently moving (no thanks to any of my friends who, with the sole exception of Deirdre, all are now on my shitlist...and hers I might add) may not update for a while. Kitty v. upset. Slightly demonic tendencies surfacing (hers, not mine). Will be in touch when postage-stamp sized studio is in order.

Love,
Jinx

Umm

2004-11-24T07:36:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure how to react to this.

I mean....wow. $300 for a pair of underwear owned (but, thankfully, not worn by) Orlando Bloom. Um....me, I'd rather just have an autographed picture.

Yet Another.....

2004-11-14T19:16:00.000-05:00

Week of Earlies: How to Cope

1. Omelettes every morning. The little cafe down the hall from us (yes, Jonathan, actually inside the Pentagon) makes them and they're absolutely wonderful. Definitely worth splurging on for having to be there at 3 am.

2. Park car right outside building and don't move it for two days, without getting a parking ticket! Yay!

3. Get permanent parking sticker for work. I don't know why, but this makes me feel better.

4. Order Thai food. This is Mr. Handyside's method of dealing with depression, so I decided to preempt all bad situations that are bound to come up this week with a shot of Thai.

5. Hold your ice cream in reserve for when the Thai food doesn't work.

Other than that, playing with your cat (who doesn't do three a.m., strangely enough, in spite of its being the witching hour and all), work out, and write. And try to get sleep. And then treat yourself to a weekend in NYC.

Punk Ass Cat

2004-11-06T10:55:00.000-05:00

So I leave the room for five seconds, come back, the computer is off. Completely turned off.

I take a shower, come back, cat is perched on the keyboard. Not cautiously pressing one or two keys -- sitting her big ass proudly on my computer. Also, she managed to get the number lock on, which took a ridiculous amount of time to undo.

*****

Punk ass cat aside -- Oh oh oh! I want!

Suffering from Post-Electoral/Outrage Fatigue

2004-11-05T08:06:00.000-05:00

Interesting.

BTW, Kevin, socialism isn't the way to pick up the swing state votes. Having a coherent, realistic agenda that people can understand (in apparently seven words or less) is.

And Ohio Goes to....

2004-11-03T07:33:00.000-05:00

So much for pledging I would stay awake for one state. Good thing, since I have to show up at work this week.

Ain't Life Grand?

2004-10-26T22:41:00.000-04:00

I just had an epiphany about dirt!

After a Six Week Absence...

2004-10-26T19:42:00.000-04:00

WG: Hi. I heard you f*cked up last week.
Me: Yeah. There was a reason I haven't missed you. Cheers!

Ruminations on a Saturday Morning

2004-10-23T07:45:00.000-04:00

Apparently while I was in the cocoon-like alternative world of earlies, a few things happened. Like fall turned to winter in a day (the sun just now came up, at 745. Yes, I'm horrified to be awake this early.) Like the Yankees fell apart. Like a good friend started talking wedding plans. (Can wedding-plan-induced nausea be a reason to call in sick to work?) Like I turned 24 and suddenly all the rules changed (without consulting me, damnit!)

I really just want to crawl back into bed.

The title says it all

2004-10-19T18:40:00.000-04:00

Iran's Basij militia wants observers
at US vote

Why I Love Mondays

2004-10-18T13:34:00.000-04:00

:she says, teeth gritting:

Hell #1: I'm on earlies this week. That means leaving for working roughly 3 AM. This is not a problem. I mean, you end up a pale ghost of yourself by Friday, and you don't socialize or do anything you usually do, but you can cope.

Then you wake up at 1 AM and don't go back to sleep. This makes a long, dull day very very hard to get through without 32 oz of caffeinated drink.

Hell #2: Driving in Washington. Driving to the Pentagon. Trying to find Rock Creek Parkway. Pick any of these.

Who ever said owning a car makes life more convenient? I park a half mile away from work (because I am a lowly analyst) , making my morning walk a solid mile before getting to my office (counting, of course, the half mile trek from the Metro opening to my office inside the Pentagon.) Then I have to park a half mile away from my apartment because there is no convenient parking anywhere else.

And then there's getting lost. If you get lost on the Metro, it's rather easy to correct your mistake. You simply get off at the next station, or the next station of your connection, or whatever. There are maps everywhere to guide you.

You make the wrong exist in DC or northern Virginia it will take you a good twenty minutes to correct. This is if you have a map. If you don't....well I'll let you know as soon as I forget mine.

As Proof One Never Stops Learning.....

2004-10-15T19:34:00.000-04:00

I have no idea how I've managed to survive nearly 24 years without intuitively understanding this.

I feel as though I've finally been introduced to the rules of life. How reassuring....if disturbing that I can name the exact instances in which I really wish I had known this!

Weekend Wrap-Up

2004-10-13T21:09:00.000-04:00

Since I never really got to it Monday....

1) Florida is fun.
2) People in the South are friendly, if slightly strange. The cultural difference between the Eastern Seaboard and the South is akin to the difference between the USA and Great Britain.
3) They also read weird shit. I gave up counting the number of times I saw The Sweet Potato Queen series of books, which apparently exists.
4) Zot is awesome. She now has almost 2,500 miles on her and she's doing great. Unfortunately I will not get to play with her much until I move.
5) George has more crazy stories than any human being has the right to.

I have more stories but the presidential debate is on.

The Great Karmic Bitchslap

2004-10-11T19:20:00.000-04:00

really fucking hurts.

Good Tidings for Vacation

2004-10-05T19:41:00.000-04:00

There was a dead palm tree in my hallway this morning. That is officially a good omen. (Actually, I'm not sure about that, since I'm not in Florida yet, but it boded well for today so we'll just go with that. If the place can have a massive hurricane hit it three weeks before I get there and not affect my vacation at all, that is another good sign. We're two for two at this point!)

Off to play with Zot.

On October

2004-10-03T14:11:00.004-04:00

I was born with an unhealthy love for fall. Perhaps because of my October birth; perhaps because of my German blood, as the month Oktober inevitably brings up memories of hearty German meals, sauerkraut, and beer. Perhaps it is just that my lungs enjoy the crisp, fresh air, unhindered by the cloying humidity of summer or the biting freeze of a Northern winter. Or perhaps my thin blood, pampered for eighteen years by short, light Texas winters, simply clings to fall in the face of harsher weather to come, hoping I will not subject it to sub-50 (a.k.a. freezing) temperatures. (Alas, for the last four years I have disappointed it, resulting in an annual weeklong trip to my deathbed every late October. )

October in Washington is a month thankfully free of interns and for the most part tourists, who, fearing the encroaching winter, have fled home for their dull Midwestern or Southern lives. It is the month crowned by my favorite holiday, which combines kitties and chocolate with magic and fun costumes and is relatively bereft of any religious or national ties. Here in The Land of Seasons, leaves are beginning to change from brilliant green to bright oranges, reds, and yellows before fading to brown. The tanned skin of my fellow human beings is beginning to change from the crisp brown of the beach to the burnt orange of the tanning salons as they cling to the bitter hope that summer is not indeed passing. (Fortunately for me, death-pale white skin is more socially acceptable in the winter than the summer, and the fall welcomes it as well. I shed few tears for the passing of summer.)

There is little not to love about fall, and about October. And best of all, this October I get to enjoy without the encumberance of midterms, papers, and finals, which have accompanied the last eighteen Octobers (and birthdays) of my life.

An Encounter in an Elevator

2004-10-01T20:36:00.000-04:00

So sixteen months after I move in, I finally meet my next-door neighbor (or one of them, as I suspect many people have lived in that apt since I moved in, judging by the variety of music that blares into my bathroom and bedroom at odd hours of the day). I pressed up when I was going to the first floor; he made fun of me. We ended up talking all the way to Metro Center. He works on the Hill; political tool or actual real guy? Eh, early yet, but probably tool. However, made for a fairly entertaining morning.

I Heart Crazy Zoroastrians

2004-09-30T21:35:00.000-04:00

Life is so entertaining these days. Does anyone know how to convert to Zoroastrianism? Does it necessarily involve moving to California? I think I can handle anything that doesn't involve speaking in tongues. Unless it's Persian, of course.

Also, Lost is improving its status in my book. Obvious Romantic Interest for Cute Serious Doctor is a criminal of the violent/dangerous type, scary dinosaur thingy resembles a polar bear (mind you, they filmed the pilot in Hawaii), the former Iraqi Republican Guard member is a good guy, Dom's character is a drug addict, and someone else has been stranded on the island going on sixteen years now. (I'm guessing this someone is dead, but you know she'll show up during sweeps, balling in French.)

!

2004-09-29T19:40:00.000-04:00

! perfectly describes my day today. (Much better than ? which tends to describe most of my days at work.) Starting with a v. inspired (if I do say so myself) writing session, I had an extremely productive day at work, not least of which involve responding to a last-minute assignment rather well. (Not to mention I got complimented on what I did yesterday instead of getting bitched out like I was expecting. Always nice.) And I'm out of the office tomorrow.

And, even better, I leave for vacation in a week to pick up my car!

Ever So Slightly Lost

2004-09-23T17:52:00.000-04:00

So I tune into this new show not because it looks particularly interesting -- something of an updated Gilligan's Island, in the theme of Star Trek Voyager -- but because it has Dominic Monaghan in it, and in my pursuit of all things/people Lord of the Rings, I feel obligated. Dom was great; the rest of it....well, not so much.

So forty-some-odd people survive a plane crash. Yay. Except they're missing half the plane. They land on some random island, and fortunately a cute handsome smart doctor/pilot is among the survivors. Among the survivors is also a woman who is about nine months pregnant. I thought they didn't let women fly at nine months pregnant, but whatever. Funny noises happen everywhere, and we meet a cute yellow lab. Some adventuresome souls go off in search of the other half of the plane, which v. conveniently has some form of radio/transmitter type thingy from which they can reach civilization. On the great climb up the remainder of the plane (because yes, somehow the bit of the plane landed tip up) everyone's dead except the pilot, whose fate you can predict pretty easily since Greg Grunberg needs to get back to the Alias set. (Fortunately, JJ Abrams produces that show, too, so Greg's got a little bit of leeway.)

Long story short, Greg gets taken out by big noisy monster, show ends. Instead of Gilligan's Island, more like Gilligan's Island meets Jurassic Park. Throw in a few fake cannibalistic natives and it would be difficult to distinguish it from Survivor: Vanuatu.

You Know It's Too Early in the Morning When....

2004-09-22T15:59:00.000-04:00

....you are convinced that CIA is arguing about what you are wearing, then realize it's just your alarm clock going off.
....your cat decides it's too early to wake up and pester you.
....your taste buds mistake toothpaste for chocolate.
....you get the cab that some drunk girl just came home in.
....you accidentally run into the chair of the two-star general you're about to brief, then become so incredibly embarrassed you forget to brief him.

....Yeah, so that was my morning.

The Plan(s)

2004-09-19T13:15:00.000-04:00

Plan A: "The Shangrila Agenda"
Apply to a select number of law schools that (a) I won't get into and (b) I can't say no to if I do get in. Kick any decision about law school/grad school to May 2005 or later.

Plan B: "Covering All Your Bases", or "Making Sure I Don't Have to Make a Decision Until the Absolute Last Minute" (Note: Not mutually exclusive of The Shangrila Agenda)
Wait a year, during which I (a) perform outstandingly at work, (b) get my office to pay for my taking Persian. (c) get serious about my writing and work up a portfolio, then (d) apply next year to every graduate program (including MFA) or law school that I would like to go to (on whichever continent I would like to live on). Subsequently kicks any decision until Spring of 2006, should I even get in anywhere.

Plan C: "The Hermit Plan"
Quit my job. Starve while writing The Great American Novel. Have published posthumously and win great big award.

'Consolation Prizes'

2004-09-17T22:06:00.000-04:00

When depressed/disappointed/bitter, Mr. Handyside buys himself the special Economist leather-bound passport holder.

To console myself, I indulge in chocolate and lingerie. Lots of both.

To each his own, I suppose.

Bad Signs

2004-09-16T20:37:00.000-04:00

Probably not a good sign when your supervisor describes you (rather derisively, I might add) as "a garage band."

Yeah, you can say work sucked today.

Things to Amuse Oneself When Work is Boring

2004-09-15T19:22:00.000-04:00

As I have had no production since 9:30 a.m. Monday morning, I have spent the past two and one-half days amusing myself in various ways whilst looking productive, sitting at my desk.

1. Wait with bated breath to hear Martha Stewart announce she's going to jail. (I thought a judge mentioned this a few months ago, but MS has more star power.)
2. Write nasty emails belittling other people's analytical skills. (I'm actually required to do this on a regular basis.)
3. Watch (with bated breath) as CNN or MSNBC has another BREAKING NEWS STORY about how Hurricane Ivan is ten feet closer to the Gulf states than he was in their previous BREAKING NEWS STORY.
4. Ponder whether my mother is regretting scheduling her vacation for Pensacola, FL.
5. Wondering if I will remember to call my mother on her birthday (I have approximately two and a half hours left to prove myself right -- that I will forget.)
6. Continue doodling on my notes page that thus far has nothing to do with Iran.
7. On said notes page, write down anything and everything that comes to mind for a birthday gift. Mark out the ones I know my father will buy, then replace them with really expensive ones I know he won't.
8. See if two bottles of water can replace the caffeine you get from a medium cup of coffee in the morning. (PS They can't)
9. Out of sheer boredom debate with radical neocons in my office the electoral college system.
10. Out of sheer frustration contemplating a plot to get rid of another Directorate in the Agency. (Not naming names, mind you, but it's the main one we coordinate with.)
11. Wonder just how sick I have to be to call in sick. I mean, I have three weeks of sick leave on the books. Come on. That's just criminal.
12. Contemplate my new car. This is a lovely thought. The idea of driving twenty hours is so much more pleasant when one contemplates a V6 engine.
13. Contemplate driving my new car back through yet another hurricane in Florida. This is not nearly so pleasant a thought. It's a good thing I'll be driving on a three-day weekend.
14. Wonder whether or not my brother announced last night that he and his girlfriend are engaged. While normally happy-type news, this only depresses me, given that in that case, I'll be the oldest child/grandchild on both sides of my family unmarried/unengaged. And two of my younger sisters are likely getting married in the next year.
15. Sitting and reading v. sarcastic commentary on working in my division. Among the enlightening commentary:
a) "No" is only an interim response.
b) There is no such thing as a final decision.
c) You can't kill a bad idea.
d) An honest answer wll get you into a lot of trouble.
e) Don't lie, cheat, or steal.... unnecessarily.
f) The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.
g) If it's worth fighting for, it's worth fighting dirty for.
h) If at first you don't succeed -- destroy all evidence you tried.
i) Killing your enemy is OK... just don't insult his sensibilities. (This is obviously high military humor that not many will understand.)
j) Never pass up an opportunity to keep your mouth shut.
k) "Fair" is in the eyes of the one who set the suspence. (SO utterly true)
And my personal favorite:
l) The facts, while possibly interesting, are irrelevant.

These are the tidbits I gleaned from the last three days at work.